I feel so tightly wrapped the last few days...correction, the last few nights. The days have been fine. I've been so incredibly busy. Doing what I need to do to get Ruby through the day. Having fun with her and helping her to advance in all those areas where she needs it. But at night I have been stuck in high gear. Like I can't let go of the therapies and the feeding sessions and the play and the learning and the teaching and I just can't relax.
It's exhausting. I'm exhausted. I knew being a mother would be tiring but, well...not this much. I feel like I need a break from this routine. Wake up, cuddle with Rubes for 30 min. Then it's go, go, go. Shower and dress Rubes and myself. Mix up formula and draw up meds. Deal with my constantly messy house. Therapy of some sort for Ruby. Water bolus. Play and read books. Lunch feeding and then bolus. Nap time. Break for an hour...usually to do laundry and maybe eat lunch myself. Then cuddle a crabby Ruby as she wakes. Bolus again. Play some more and work on OT, PT, and speech goals. Make dinner. Dinner Feeding. Shove food in my mouth at some point. Dinner bolus. Play play play. Bedtime at 9 and if I'm lucky I can sneak out and try to unwind for an hour before it's bedtime for me...and that's where I have been getting stuck.
I just can't feel at peace. I'm just thinking about what I have left undone. How that baby gate is STILL not installed at the top of the stairs. How the laundry is piled everywhere in the bedroom. About how in Hell I am ever going to get Ruby to talk. About getting her to eat. And about whatever new bug or GI issue is plaguing Rubes at any given moment.
I need a vacation. Thank God camping is only 1.5 weeks away! Mauthe Lake...I need you!
