Development

Not sure what I want to write about tonight, but I feel like writing nonetheless. I've actually written a number of posts that I've decided to keep private, but I need to get something out there! After speaking with some people on FB about this I just might make some of them public...in time. Anyway, what to say? Things have been going well with Ruby. She is doing her little hitch-crawl all over the house. Her feeding pump has been a complete pain in the bum with her moving and grooving, but at least she's only hooked up to one thing, right?! And we are making VERY slow progress with increasing the rate on her pump to get her to the point that she can handle bolus feeds. I'm not too optimistic yet, but we shall see...

Look at that face! So HAPPY to be reading with Papa!

Ruby is growing and learning so much everyday now. She just gets brighter and brighter, and yet I still notice a discrepancy between her and other children her age. I know that comparing only leads to disappointment, or I suppose to bragging rights for certain parents. And I don't want to be "that mom." You know, that mom that's always going on and on about what her kid can do that other kids can't, or that mom that's constantly measuring her child against other peoples'. Ruby is a beautiful individual who will develop and grow in her own way, in her own time. And she might be a little behind other kids, but hey, I doubt I'd be doing as good if I'd been dealt the hand this little girl has! Although I know all of these things, I am still human, and I do still compare...even though I don't want to. This is something I constantly work to overcome.

A couple of weeks ago Ruby met with an OT. This person had tons of questions and although Ruby's fine motor skills are well within the "normal" range for a child her age...I brought up that I haven't seen her doing certain things that other kids are. For instance, I said that she can't sort shapes yet, and that I'd seen a few of my friends' children doing that. The OT said that, "Well, we all know that there are THOSE types of kids, right? You know, we all went to school with a few of THEM, and they're just WAY ahead of everybody else!" Now I really don't want this to sound conceited, but Dan and I were those kids. We were the geeks who got straight A's and would freak out at the sight of anything less than a 4.00. Doing well in school was a big deal in my family. That whole attitude is still sort of ingrained in me...so it feels weird kind of knowing that Ruby probably won't have school come as easy to her. I'm not saying she won't do well, but I do know that most people with VCFS learn differently than the majority of the population...and let's face it, the schools cater to the majority. Dan and I just happened to be lucky that the way schools approach education worked for us.

OK, so maybe one of Ruby's biggest problems will be that her mom is a dork :P

The truth is that I don't know what's in store for Ruby. I don't know how far behind she'll be, how she'll do in school, what her interests will be, or what she'll want to do with her life. I just had a little chat with a mom online who reminded me that what she will do is look back on her life with pride at how far she has come. I had some hesitation about posting on this topic because I don't want Ruby to ever read it and doubt my admiration for her or her abilities. But after getting some feedback from other moms I see that I should try to be honest for her sake and my own. She will hopefully read this one day and beam with pride at the distance she has traveled.

When I see my friends' children climbing stairs, pointing to their body parts, or doing any number of things that Ruby isn't doing yet, I will try to remind myself that this is MY problem and not hers. So often I doubt myself and think that I am doing something wrong, but she will get there someday and I will continue to do the best I can to help her arrive safely. She is fine the way she is and I have to get over my own issues so that I don't forget to pause and admire her accomplishments. She is such an amazing little person and I know she will do great things. She has already given the people around her so much love and inspiration and I'm confident that won't stop.

Lovin' those Pigtails!

Here is Dan's take on it all...he overtook my computer to type this gem, "Dan hates school. Useless. He learned more on his own and while reading the back of a Golden Grahams cereal box. He loves learning but hates school and it's structured ways." Ha! For the record I loved school...I wish I could be payed to keep going!