Over-Thinking

I am most definitely a person who over-thinks things, which is probably why I love writing this blog so much. It's a way for me to sort things out in an organized fashion...or at least a slightly more organized. Anyways, I am fairly neurotic. I can be extremely self-conscious, as those closest to me know. I constantly worry about the relationships in my life; whether they are strong enough and so forth. I worry about whether I have let someone down or out, whether I have been a good enough friend, sister, daughter, wife, and of course mother. The list goes on and on. Sometimes these worries consume me. I feel suffocated and the very things I worry about come to fruition because I am in too dense a fog to prevent their occurrence. Lately one of the things I'm been over-thinking is Ruby's behavior and development.

Now I know I've talked about her development before, and I know that's something that every parent thinks about and worries about...especially parents of kids with 22q. But I also constantly worry about her behavior. I'm aware that many children with 22q Del have behavioral problems and that is ALWAYS in my mind when I watch Ruby play, get sassy, or interact with other kids. So far, when I think about it calmly and rationally, I don't think she has exhibited any behaviors that I find abnormal for her age. She does have a tendency to use repetitive behaviors to self-soothe...but it's not quite self-stemming. It's actually quite similar to some of the of things I do; things like rubbing my left arm while speaking in front of others or moving my toes together when I get mad. And her actions have not become obsessive or inhibited her play so her OT has said not to worry. I really should take her advice.

Other things that often concern me are normal toddler things. Whining about things, throwing tantrums (usually only when tired or sick), getting mad about sharing toys. While these are all standard for a toddler I am always thinking, "Oh no! Does she have a behavioral disorder? Is she not listening because of ODD? Why is she not playing nicely?" Ah..the mind of a mother! Anyway, all of these things circle in my head day after day. And I've decided to stop the cycle. No more. No more over-thinking. Ruby is who she is. She is going to fuss and whine, sometimes more than other children and sometimes less. She is not a perfect person and neither am I. I am going to deal with her moods and behavior the way I see fit, and not the way others do. I am going to enjoy all of her and not get preoccupied with how I think she "should" be acting. So there world! I am putting it out there...no more over-thinking!!!

OK, well maybe just less over-thinking. After all we can't change our very nature ;)